Moving into a new home comes with plenty of stress, and the last thing you want is to feel like an outsider in your new community. But unfortunately, choosing a home doesn’t always mean the people nearby will be people who share your interests or values. And while disliking your neighbors is difficult, it can be even worse to feel like the odd person out in your own neighborhood. If you’ve moved into a new home in Davenport, FL, and are feeling like something may be off, there are subtle signs you can look for that may indicate some bad blood between you and your new neighbors. Below are some of these signs, as well as what you can do to make a better connection.

What to Look For 

Talking Behind Your Back 

Any time people are talking about you when you aren’t there or can’t hear, there is usually something going on that may not be favorable. Often this means they are spreading rumors or trying to gather support against you. While this sounds very much like middle school, it can also be true in a neighborhood, and these rumors can spread fast.

Some signs that people are talking behind your back can include:

• When you approach, if you notice people huddled together and whispering who quickly disperse, they were likely discussing something you shouldn’t overhear.

• Overhearing any rumors about you should always make you ask where this started. A good friend will likely tell you what’s being said, or you may just overhear someone who wasn’t being quiet enough. If your name comes up, it’s a good sign that someone was having a conversation about you.

• If neighbors who used to smile at you or stop to chat suddenly stop and look down when you approach, it’s worth asking yourself what changed. Especially if you haven’t talked with them recently to upset them, a changing opinion usually means someone influenced them negatively.

• Overall, if you feel like you’re in high school again – uncomfortable, alone, shunned, or even embarrassed – every time you see a neighbor, it may mean there is something working against you.

Pay Attention to Fake Smiles 

Research has shown that people can actually fake smiles pretty well, especially with strangers. But those studies are usually done between strangers, not people you know and see every day. You’ve probably seen your neighbors smile at least once, and if they suddenly look off, you can consider if there is a reason for that.

Pushing Boundaries

Often, neighbors feel territorial about new people entering what they see as their home turf. This may mean they feel entitled to enter your property, touch your things, or even rearrange your yard without permission. Even things that would otherwise seem kind, like mowing your lawn, may be a sign that they feel ownership over your property.

People not respecting the boundaries of your home likely don’t fully respect you. These things may be their subtle way of asserting ownership over your property or passive-aggressively indicating they don’t like your style or level of maintenance.

Body Language 

Like smiles, simple body language can be very telling about what a person is thinking or feeling during an interaction. There are dozens of small, subtle movements and positions that can tell you what a person truly thinks.

Some examples of body language to look out for include:

• Feet will always point away from something considered “undesirable,” even if the person’s upper body is facing you.

• We expose our torsos to people we feel comfortable and positive with, but when someone we dislike is near, we tend to turn to the side.

• Both too much and too little eye contact are signs of trouble. A person may want to look at anything other than you, but they may also compensate by making over-emphasized eye contact.

• Crossed arms are a sign of a person shutting off from those around them.

Any movements or feeling you get that the person is uncomfortable or unhappy is usually a good indicator that they aren’t your biggest fan.

Exclusion and Avoidance

You may notice neighbors gathering on the weekends for meals or using a particular person’s pool for a party, but you weren’t invited. Or worse, you may show up at a community pool or amenity and notice everyone vacates immediately. Both of these are signs that your neighbor doesn’t want you around and may not even want to be near you for some reason. These are usually pretty obvious behaviors and should tip you off right away to something more insidious.

How to Approach Neighbors Who Dislike You 

If you feel like some or all of these things are happening, it can be easy to feel defeated and even wonder if your new home was the right move for you to make. To make your life comfortable in the long term, it’s important to try and smooth things over as much as possible- or at least make your best effort and know you were the bigger person.

Talk Through Your Differences 

The most mature option is likely a sit down with your neighbors, where you can each air your grievances as the adults that you are. Start by listening to their side of the story to make sure you aren’t missing anything, then present your own case, avoiding emotion and sticking to the facts. Any conflicts that arise can then be worked out with empathy and maturity.

This might not always work. Some people won’t agree to talk, and others won’t listen to your side when you do. But it at least means you put in the effort to be mature and civil, and they can’t spread rumors to the contrary.

Safety in Numbers 

Find the people in your neighborhood who you do get along with and talk to them about what’s going on. This doesn’t mean you need to talk badly about others but share with them what you know and how you feel. It can be comforting to have people that support you, and if they have outside relationships, they may even be able to exert some influence.

If there’s no one who fits this bill, it can be a good reason to find new friends in the neighborhood. Invite them over when others are gathered so that you don’t feel excluded.

Accept and Ignore Them 

Sometimes you will just not win with a neighbor, and trying is more effort than it’s worth. You can simply accept that your friends will be outside of your neighborhood and hope that they move before you do. In this case, try to limit exposure as much as possible and not be actively rude when you do see them.

Exercise Your Rights 

Depending on your location, there are a number of rights that may come into play. You can get strict about property lines and trespassing to avoid those who overstep boundaries or file harassment reports if it becomes severe. You may also be able to use HOA rules to either push back on them or take a stand by showcasing something in your home that they don’t like.

Move

This is a fairly drastic option, but if you are in a situation that is extremely toxic and they aren’t budging, some people will make the decision to simply move. If you do take this route, your home search may include a bit of research into who lives in the neighborhood and how you might fit into that community.

Avoiding a Bad Neighbor Experience

When searching for a new home, your wish list usually comprises features, size, and proximity to other things: not something simple like “nice neighbors.” But if you’ve experienced a toxic environment in the past or having a tight-knit community is extremely important to you, it can be worth adding this item to your search.

Maybe at an open house, you can see if anyone is outside to get a sense for them, or you can even ask the current owner for a rundown of who lives in the area and what they are like. An owner having no idea who their neighbors are may tell you just as much as a full explanation would.

It can also be a good idea to come in open to the culture of the neighborhood. You don’t need to go full “welcome wagon” and bring everyone homemade muffins, but a simple introduction to each neighbor will show you are willing to integrate and give you a sense of every person in the area. They may tell you about events or that everyone keeps to themselves, and you can mimic that behavior for a while until you are considered a permanent member of the community.

While neighborhood politics can be hard to navigate and an outsider usually doesn’t have information, using a realtor specializing in a general area can be helpful as well, as they may be able to tell you the reputation of the community. HOA rules and guidelines may also be a window into the inner workings of a neighborhood as well, so never be afraid to ask for these upfront.